Drawing from An Empty Well

A Self Care Analogy

Are you already working on that goal of getting in better shape and eating healthier? Or has that goal already gone out the window?

One of the challenges I believe we face is the idea that more exercise and eating better will solve all of our health and energy problems. I do advocate both of those things, but I don't believe it is going to solve all of our energy problems and help us be motivated to keep going.

Why do I say that? Because our mental and physical energy levels are so much more than just eating better and getting exercise.

Let's discuss this just a bit!

If you'd prefer a video version, click here to view a bonus module in my newest personal development course.

A Simple Example

At the beginning of the year, gyms in the US are super crowded because everyone says this is the year I'm going to get in shape and have more energy. By February, very little of that inital crowd remains. While there are many reasons for this, I believe one contributing factor is the large group of individuals for whom a crowded gym is just going to drain their energy well (and not just the physical one).

I know I'm definitely an introvert and the thought of getting up early and forcing myself to go to a gym where every lane on the track is full, every swim lane has two people, and every weight machine has a line, is just not going to motivate me to keep at it.

Contrast that with the idea that I could go out and get the same exercises somewhere that has few to no others and it's outdoors (also something I have learned about my personality). Maybe somewhere like this.

The Analogy

I want you to picture a well. Next to it is a farm house out in the middle of nowhere. All you can see for miles and miles are fields. No other signs of civilization. How critical is that well for that farm house? If it’s the only source of water, then it may just be the most important part of the whole picture you are imagining.

Now what I want to do is think of yourself as that well and how important what you have to offer is to those in your circles. That could be family members, friends, colleagues, customers, etc. anyone that needs a portion of your “water” for their own lives.

It’s easy to imagine this if you are a parent, have a leadership role, or others that are very depending on you. But all of us have those that are coming to our well to draw water.

Those that have a lot of others dependent on them just keep giving and giving and giving. But what happens when the well runs out of water? What then?

Know What Drains and Replenishes Your Well

My first message here is for you to understand what drains your well and what replenishes it. Sometimes the simplest way to do this is to know if you are an introvert or an extrovert. That can point you in the right direction. But it’s not always that simple. What you need to pay attention to is what types of situations, activities, assignments, etc. wear you out and what energize you.

That’s not to say that you can give up on those things that drain your well, most of us don’t have the luxury to do that, but by identifying those things then you can start planning ways to deal with the energy drain.

Know How to Replenish Your Well

That’s my second piece of advice. Know how to replenish your well. What are the little things you can incorporate into you day that will help put in more water?What are some bigger things that need to be a part of your life for a larger replenishment?

Recognize When Your Energy Is Draining

Third is to know the signs of when your energy is getting drained. Sometimes there are physical signs that you are running low. But we would be better off to start recognizing the combination of the physical and mental signs early so we can make small adjustments rather than waiting for them to become so big and obvious that we can’t avoid them.

There are way too many combinations for me to give you much in terms of specific advice, but for me I know that when I start to struggle to get out for a walk or bike ride or when my default behaviors that I am normally good at mitigating start to creep back in, that those are signs that I’m not replenishing as quickly as I need to.

Have a Plan to Replenish

Fourth is to have a plan for what you are going to do to either preempt running too low or to accelerate replenishing. Again this is something that you need to do for yourself. For me, I tend to read a lot more when I get worn down, but I don’t read massive, deep books. I re-read things I have already read and since my favorite books are already simpler (many of them are written for teenagers) it doesn’t take too much of my mental energy. It does however allow me to replenish and to rest up. That’s an example of something small that can be incorporated regularly.

When I am in need of a major replenishment, that’s kind of a different story. Taking time away from the chaos of professional responsibilities is something I look forward to. But I can’t always set aside things in my personal life. One of the things I have tried to do is to change my environment. I’m a huge outdoors person so going camping for a few days is a big relief. So something like that is a larger replenisher but isn’t always possible.

Know When To Ask for Help

That leads me into my fifth piece of advice and that is knowing when you need to ask for help. This is going to happen to all of us at some point. This could be asking a spouse, parent, other family member, colleague, boss, etc. to help you figure out how to replenish some of what has been taken. Again each situation is different so it’s something you will need to think about.

I also want you to be aware and think about when it might be time to ask for professional help. Mental health is no joke and sometimes we just need to go to someone that is qualified and aligned with our goals to help walk us through getting back to where we need to be. If you are in that situation, please don’t wait too long to reach out and find the help you need.

Don't Go To Extremes

My last piece of advice here is to not go to either extreme when it comes to your well. Don’t board it up and place a no trespassing sign and make it impossible for you or anyone else to draw from it. There is a certain amount of replenishment that can only happen when we allow others to draw on our knowledge, experience, and strength. Work on finding your best balance. At the same time, you can’t make it a free for all and you need to be deliberate in how you manage who can draw and how much they can draw from your well.

Wrap Up

I’ve personally struggled with this for a large portion of my life. I’ve also seen way to many others get to the brink of or beyond the point of major breakdowns because they didn’t recognize the signs of empty wells and kept pushing. There is a reason when you get on an airplane that they tell you (if needed) to put your own oxygen mask on BEFORE trying to help others. If you pass out, you are no good to anyone else and you actually make their lives even more difficult. So let’s not do that.