Priorities and Balance

Recently I posted about that I decided that last week was not going to make or break my professional progress so I decided to focus on something outside of those efforts. Today and older HBR article popped up on my feed and I wanted to just share a few thoughts.

One of the questions the article asked “how was your balance the last few years” is something that I have been thinking about a lot over the last few months. I don’t know that I have come to a final conclusion but I have a few thoughts that might get others thinking about their current situations.

My Recent Experience

Balance isn’t just about where you spend your time. I thought I was doing ok in this area. I had a pretty normal work schedule for the last two career opportunities I have had. I was able to start early in the morning and generally sign off before any of the kids activities started. I worked from home which meant no commute which was a huge time and money saver. I was able to get in some sort of work out and still meet my family and church commitments. Sounds pretty good right?

I also felt like I had finally found the right financial opportunity. My last assignment was the first time I had ever worked for a high tech company. That was a whole different ballgame, especially considering it’s pandemic trajectory. Overall pay, benefits, time off etc. were fantastic. I was finally in the kind of financial position I had often dreamed of, including being able to see a pathway towards the kind of retirement we had hoped for. This also sounds pretty good right?

Another thing in my favor for the last couple of years was feeling like I could really make a difference. First I was doing some product work and building an amazing tool and then I took on a brand new team. We were focused on the right things and really hitting our stride. For someone that is highly motivated by adding value, this was super important. Due to the progress we were making, I was asked to take on an interim leadership role in addition to my management duties. Awesome! Another opportunity to do the things I loved doing and to add additional value .

So you may be asking yourself, what is the problem here? Isn’t this what a lot of folks would love to see in their own careers? Doesn’t this seem like balance?

The Problem

The problem wasn’t around time management, finances or even the opportunities that I was having to add value to my team and the organization. I was giving so much of my mental energy to my professional and financial goals that I didn’t have a whole lot left for the things that were even more important, including my own physical and mental health. And the even bigger issue was that I thought I had the right balance and was so focused that I just did not see that something either needed to change or something was going to give.

What I Didn’t See

After all of the above came to an abrupt end, it was like someone had thrown the curtains open and the sunlight came pouring in. Family members, including but not limited to my wife, started sharing how concerned they had been with the amount of stress and pressure they could see that I was under. I couldn’t see it until I had stepped away and started looking back.

As I have thought about that time, I have identified at least a portion of what was causing so much stress and anxiety. Let me summarize it this way: things were so good for me, that all I could do was focus on making sure everything stayed good or got better. In my mind, I essentially needed to execute at an exceedingly high level in order to maintain the positive momentum. Add that to my natural perfectionist tendencies and things were definitely headed in the wrong direction, even though I couldn’t see it.

This didn’t really drive me to spend more time at my desk, but I spent a lot more time thinking about work, including things that I didn’t need to worry about even if I was at my desk. I was more connected to the email and slack channels on my phone. It also made it more difficult to maintain good leadership behaviors like giving benefit of the doubt and handing back the marker just to name a couple. I was much more aware of my perceived inadequacies and shortcomings. All of these negative pieces fed on each other and it became a swirling vortex of anxiety and stress.

Again, these are things that I can look back on and see now but when I was in the moment, I was so focused on execution that I really didn’t take a step back.

Current Plans

Now I have an opportunity to take that step back and see if I can avoid making that same mistake again. I’ve re-evaluated my priorities and set more realistic goals around work life balance and finances. My drive to add value really hasn’t changed much, I just need to remind myself regularly that my profession is not the only (and probably not the most important) area of my life where I can add value. Being present for my family and my other personal obligations now has a much higher priority. They deserve a much greater share of my mental energy than they had before. That is guiding the realignment of my professional goals as well as how we think about managing our finances.

I don’t have it all worked out yet and I’m sure there will be many opportunities to further refine and course correct. The good news is that I have already started to scratch opportunities and paths off my list that most likely would have led me right back to the same place.

My financial and professional goals are totally different than what they were a few months ago. Instead of the big dream, I’m now focused on what I call proper profession (meet our families financial needs, have time (and mental energy) for more  important things and make a difference. My blood pressure is lower, last week I was able to disconnect for an entire week and not worry about what I would need to get caught up on when I came back to reality and my family has noticed a huge difference in my stress levels and my attitude.

My Recommendation

So my recommendation to you: take a step back and honestly assess how you are doing with your LIFE priorities. That includes personal and professional priorities. Make sure you are not only giving them the appropriate amount of time but also the right mental energy. Ask trusted friends and family how they see you. Get some input. Voluntarily make some course corrections to align appropriately. Don’t wait (like I have in the past) for outside forces to push you into this evaluation. This is something you need to do regularly. It’s worth the effort.

If you are just starting out in your career, make these decisions now. Don’t just take whatever big opportunities come along. Evaluate them against the other priorities in your life and then make a deliberate decision.

Feel free to comment on my linked in post or reach out to me if you want to discuss!