Episode 9: The Intensity Dial Does Not Only Go in One Direction

Mar 29

Welcome 00:00

Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of Leaders Lift. As the host of this podcast, I can't tell you excited I am to have you tune in to this episode.

Intro

This week, maybe we should take a break. Of course since you are listening to this you already know I'm not talking about taking a break from the podcast. So many of us tend to go at full throttle all of the time. It doesn't seem to matter if it's in our personal or professional lives. In fact, if you do it in one area, odds are you will do it in all areas. If that's the case, your weekends, which many use to take a break from work, are just as busy and stressful as the weekdays, maybe even more so. This week I had a good friend ask me if I had any plans to relax or tune out this week. I don't but I should. I want to spend today talking about dialing it back on occasion and taking care of ourselves when needed.

I'll start off with a quick story about last Thanksgiving and then for this weeks Little Lift, I'll try and provide some resources that I have read or written recently. And then before I dive into the main topic, I want to review one of the personality style elements that is important to remember as you think about your own self care.

Pre-Roll

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Story Time 01:55

Now for a couple of quick personal story related to this topic. The most recent prompted me to write a linkedin and a blog post about dialing it back, balance and priorities. The first story happened years ago when one of our kids had just been born (I'm talking days after). I had planned on taking a full week off immediately after they were born. By about day three of that time off, I had taken so many calls and spent so much time working that my wife told me to just go back to work and save my time off for when I could actually use it. That should have been a hint to me that I needed to make an adjustment, instead, I just went back into the office. In looking back, I realize this was a pattern and until the last couple of years, I always carried vacation time over. In fact one year, the leadership team I was a part of had used so little vacation and carried so much over that they decided to do a cash payout to get us caught up.

The second story was just this last Thanksgiving. I had just been laid off from my fulltime position and was working on a plan to transition into what I am doing today. Anyone that is the primary bread winner in their family and has been laid off can relate to the pressure I was feeling to make sure that I could continue to provide. I wouldn't say that I was feeling overwhelming pressure as we would be ok for a while, but if I combine that pressure with my chronic problem solving tendencies, it wasn't a great mix.

We had traveled out of town with our camp trailer to Southern Utah (warmer weather) and were planning on spending the entire week there. I of course took my work equipment with me and thought that I could get in a few hours of work each day. On top of that, I also planned on doing a bunch of mountain bike riding while I was there. Day one was a travel day and was consumed by that and camp setup so I was already feeling behind. On day two, I broke out my laptop and started working. Shortly into that, I saw a post on LinkedIn and it reminded me of those earlier experiences working when I should have prioritized other things, particularly my family. I realized that I was doing the exact same thing that week.

It also made me think about how much of a difference working during that week would really make. The conclusion I came to was that those few days were absolutely not going to make or break what I was trying to accomplish. So I decided I didn't need to work every day and wrapped things up and then set myself some limits for laptop time (I knew I couldn't step away completely).

So how much did I really dial things back. Here is how the rest of the week went. I mentioned that I had planned on doing a lot of bike riding. My first ride was epic and I really enjoyed it. Long distance, new trails and some definite down time which is what an introvert like me needs. I felt so good that I thought the next day I could also do another epic ride (new trail, long distance, etc.). And then I would ride Thanksgiving morning, Friday and maybe even get in a short ride Saturday before we drove home.

Well, on day twoI thought I could do just as intense of a ride as day one. Nope. I got a ride in but had to cut it short as I was just worn out. At least at that point I realized I needed a break so I didn't ride on Thanksgiving itself. I ended up on another amazing and intense ride on Friday but Saturday, again, I just couldn't get another in.

My problem when I decided to set aside work was that I just replaced work with something else. I know working and mountain biking are not the same thing, but I didn't do a good job of listening to what my brain and my body needed at that time. I mentioned in the intro that if we go all out in one area of our lives, there is a chance we will do that in other areas as well and that's what happened here.

As you listen to the rest of the episode, I want you to think about what it really means to dial it back for you. It is different for each of us. We can't always dial back work to just dial up other areas of our lives. Sometimes we need to dial all of it back.

Little Lift 06:05

That second story was prompted by an article from the Harvard Business Review called Burning out? Giving yourself permission to dial it back? Another related article I read recently was called In defense of extreme moderation. I'll put links to both of those in the show notes. I'll talk about the principles in them later in this episode, but just think about the titles. Isn't it better to have moderation and to give ourselves permission to dial back our intensity and take care of ourselves when needed?

I'd also refer to you a blog post from last year on my site. It's about priorities and balance. I'll also put a link in the show notes.

And then just a quote to think about as we dive in. This is from Russell M. Nelson "Temperance can protect each of us from the aftermath of excess." I should have been thinking about that last Thanksgiving when I thought I could do all of that riding when what I really needed was moderation.

Little Lift Topic 07:01

That leads into our intro topic for today and it relates to several of our previous episodes. How can you possibly hope to take care of yourself if you don't know yourself? How will you know when you need to dial it back? How will you know what to do to effectively do so? How do you know what moderation looks like for you and what impact it might have on your life?

The answers to these questions comes in the various ways we have talked about getting to know ourselves.

We are generally pretty good about reading the signs our physical bodies send us when something is not right. We remove our hand from the fire because we feel pain. When we start shivering we know we either have a fever or need to get warm. We also have devices light smart watches and health monitors that can tell us when something might be amiss. But not all of the signs of burnout, mental exhaustion, etc. are as easy to identify.

So we have to learn about our own signs and triggers. I've covered a lot of that in previous episodes but let's just do a simple recap here that will lead into the rest of the episode.

First, you need to understand if you are an introvert or an extrovert. As a reminder, introverts recharge their batteries through more solitary activities. Extroverts recharge by being around others. I know that's a simplification but if you want more then go back to my episode called Introvert vs. Extrovert.

The attributes of an introvert or an extrovert will help you understand when you are most likely to need a break and then also how to recharge. If you are an introvert and are constantly around people because of your responsibilities, then that is going to drain your energy quicker. You will want to learn when you are at your limits and then do things to recharge. Let me given you a couple of examples.

I have a good friend, the same one that asked me if I had plans to relax this week, that is amazing around people. He and his family go on multiple cruises a year. That's one of the ways that he relaxes. For me, just the thought of being stuck on a boat with thousands of other people and not being able to get away just sounds absolutely draining. I prefer to take my home (my camp trailer) with me on vacation. I have mentioned that I even take it when I visit family because it allows me to get away. Going on a cruise feels like the absolute opposite. I've even changed my perspective on camping and biking. I follow a few bikers and full-time rv'ers on youtube. One of those bikers does these epic overseas trips. Most recently he was in Peru and the bike rides were amazing. But as he talked about lost luggage (his bike) and navigating the foreign environment, I decided I would just ride those trails virtually thru him. A lot of the full time Rver's also move around a ton. A couple of them are in Baja. As they talked about the logistics of making that work, it reminded me that I'd rather stay local. They also talk a lot about travel days since they tend to move campgrounds every couple of weeks. They have stayed in some amazing places. But as I evaluate who I am and what would stress me out or recharge my batteries, I've also come to realize that while it would be awesome to see all those sites, I don't think I would really want to change locations every week and deal with all the logistics (problems to solve in my mind) that come along with that.

I feel this same way about traveling overseas for work or for vacation. I know that is a dream that a lot of people have. I have done that. Not extensively but I have been to a few countries. On one of my trips, I even flew around the world by the time it was done (by the team you get to the Philippines by way of India, it's a shorter trip to just keep going to Houston vs. retrace your steps.

As an introvert, overseas travel can be a mix of energy drain but also provide opportunities to recharge. For example, under the right circumstances, I can get a lot of rest and recharge on those extremely long flights. But where I really struggle, and what makes me not really want to travel overseas anymore, is the thought of the myriad of problems that have to be "solved". I don't see that as a vacation. I see that as just trading one set of problems to solve for another. And that is the problem with a problem solver or even someone that wants to go all out all of the time. It's hard to find a way to downshift.

That's one of the reasons I like to mountain bike. Or at least I do now that I have already solved the problems of repairs, what gear to have, etc. Once I get on a ride, unless I have to repair a tire or something, there are minimal problems to solve. I just need to know where I'm going (there's an app for that) and then ride well. That's relaxing to me.

Those are just a couple of examples from my own life on knowing what would be recharging for me and what might not. Think about this in your own life. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you want to recharge, what activities will align and which will make things worse. And again, if you want more on this, check out my Introvert vs. Extrovert episode after you wrap this one up.

Beyond being an introvert or extrovert, knowing some of your habits, flow and triggers will also help you know when to dial it back. Let's say you do some of your best thinking at night but have had a full week of early morning meetings. That could lead to a need to dial it back.

If you understand your default behaviors, especially those potential pitfalls that you have been working to improve on, then you might be able to tell that it's time for a break. Let's say for example that one of potential behavioral pitfalls is talking too much in meetings. You have been working on it and have been doing pretty good. But the last two days you have either noticed or someone else has mentioned how hard it is to get a word in around you. This could come from a boss, a colleague or even a family member. That could be an indicator that you need to dial it back a bit, not just in regards to speaking in meetings. Default behaviors, and how extreme they are, can be a good measure because the more stressed we get or the more tired we are (mentally or physically), the more likely we are to resort to our default behaviors. They take less energy that deliberately trying to do something that doesn't come naturally to you.

So there you go, know your triggers, know the signs, know your habits and then know the best way for you to recharge your batteries. That's a good start.

Things That Make it Difficult to Dial it Back 13:09

Let's take a deeper dive into this whole concept of dialing it back. I'm going to use that term going forward but it could mean taking a partial break, a completely break, vacation (short or long) or many other things. Use whatever makes the most sense for you.

One of the reasons I decided to tackle this subject today is an experience I had a week or so ago. I was looking at a part time career opportunity. Sounded great and I think I would have enjoyed it, but due to current economic circumstances, what part time looks like was more than I had previously thought. As I thought about the opportunity, I realized that between my current client list, this podcast and a new podcast I'm working to launch (more on that later) and all of the different things going on outside my company, I just didn't think I could commit to the number of hours. I really wanted to, but I ultimately decided that the timing just was not right. Once I made that decisions, I really felt at peace with it. Since that day, things have gotten even crazier and as I have talked about this with my wife and a few others, we all agreed that I made the right decision. I want to share with you some of my thoughts in reflecting on that and my previous experience and hopefully a few tips and tricks that you can apply when deciding just how much to take on in life and how you dial things up and down as needed.

In today's world, things are more complex than ever. Even with all of the conveniences we have today (running water, electricity, internet, etc) it seems like we still manage to fill all of our time and not get everything done. Thing about what folks from long ago would think if they knew they didn't have to fetch water from a community well every day (or more often). I recognize that this still happens in some parts of the world. Think about how much time those that can work remotely are saving. I know when I lived in Houston I added 2-3 hours each day onto the work day just to commute. So how are you taking advantage of the things that save you time?

My guess is that the majority of people find themselves in the position where that time is getting consumed, and maybe not in the way they would like. I've talked a lot about the need to be deliberate in all kinds of areas in our lives. So take a look and see if you are deliberately deciding how to fill the "extra" time you have and actually following through on that.

The other piece of this is are we taking an opportunity to fill at least some of that time with things that are less intense, or are we applying our normal "go full throttle" approach to that time as well. I mentioned that I used to have long commutes. Some of that time I actually used public transportation vs. driving myself. When I would get on the long bus ride, I would always think about tackling that extra to do or something that I needed to work on for home or church. It was so tempting. Most of the time however, I found myself putting on my headphones and just relaxing, which meant really meant napping. Either way it ended up being time for me to defrag after the stresses of the day.

When I moved to remote work, what happened? Did I get done with work and then take a 30-90 minute nap? Did I just chill for that time? Nope. I filled that time with other stuff, some of which was just as intense as work.

Don't get me wrong, I have zero desire to go back to having that kind of a commute, but I use this as an example of what we tend to do when we find ourselves with new found "extra" time.

Think about your weekends. I know that when I had a more traditional job, I could rarely just take a relaxing weekend. Some of that was due to scouting and church responsibilities, but even when those were minimal, I was more stressed out trying to relax instead of finding something meaningful to do. I still struggle with this today when I have more control over my schedule. In theory, all of my tasks related to this podcast can be done on my own timeline. My clients schedules are not a challenge. So I have a lot of flexibility and I try to take advantage of it. Yesterday I went for my walk early in the am because it was supposed to snow a bunch during the day. That's just one example.

But a lot of the time, I find myself drawn back to my office when I really don't need to be or when I could prioritize time with the grandkids instead. Most of that is due to restrictions and deadlines I have set for myself in my head. I'll be I'm not alone in this.

Think about this upcoming weekend. Do you have plans? If so, I hope they are designed to help you recharge before the start of the next week. For those of you that don't, how do you think you will spend the time? For me, if I don't have plans for a weekend, Saturday can easily become an extension of the week. When I do that, I find myself Sunday afternoon anxious and frustrated. Frustrated that I haven't been able to dial things back and anxious that I have things that need to be done starting Monday. To give that some context, I personally choose not to work on Sunday.

If you are a work from home employee, think about how often you blur the lines that used to be pretty set and differentiated. I think about the days when the only computer I could do work on was physically in the office and I literally couldn't take it home with me. Then came pagers. Those were followed by phones, text messaging and then smartphones. I think remote work just extends that out.

The other piece that complicates all of this is the uncertain and ever changing economy. There are two pieces to that. The uncertainty drives people to think that they can't afford to dial it back without risking their job security. That can then be compounded with those that feel that they must have a side hustle, either to try and compensate for inflation or to try and be prepared in case their job is eliminated. Then there are those that have a side hustle or even self employment with the hopes that one day they will have more control over their professional and personal lives.

When I was traveling for work, I most often took rideshares vs. renting a car. Quite often I would get rides back to my hotel at the end of the day with folks that were doing the rideshare only during their commutes. At the time, I thought that was genius if they could get a ride or two in the right general direction. Pay for the gas on the car that you would have spent anyway. But as I look back, I have to wonder how much real benefit they got from it? Did that dial back the stress meter or make it worse? Were there better ways to use that time?

I don't have it all figured out even for myself. I have this constant drive to be doing something meaningful. I do know that I need to do a better job of shifting my mentality to realize that sometimes really taking it easy (physically and/or mentally) is just as meaningful as solving that next problem or tackling the next item on my to do list. Maybe I need to frame my own self care as a problem that I need to solve. Let's take a break and them come back in and talk about some possible meanings of dialing it back, ways to do it and what some of the potential benefits might be.

Mid Roll

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What It Means to Dial It Back 20:27

What does it mean to dial it back? The answer to that is a classic. It depends. Not what you wanted to hear right? Maybe not but that is the answer. It depends on who you are, what you are trying to get out of life, what stage of life you are in, your personality style, what is going on in your life (your whole life, not just part) at that moment and probably hundreds of other factors I can't name here.

In my last assignment, our director was a good example of recognizing the need to dial it back and then doing her best to figure out how exactly to do that. I don't have all the details and I wouldn't share them here if I did, but I think a high level overview of her story is beneficial.

Before I joined her team, she had decided that she wanted to adjust her schedule in order to be around for her family during key parts of the day. Things like taking her kids to school. The company culture at the time was such that this made a lot of sense. Eventually though, she decided that she had not adjusted the dial enough. As she discussed this with her VP, he suggested that instead of her stepping clear away that maybe she could take a leave of absence. This was an amazing gesture from the organization and that's what she ended up doing for a few months. I talked to her a bit during her leave and it seemed like it was the exact thing she needed at the time.

I had a chance to talk to her right before she returned to work. We were discussing some of the things I have been incorporating into this podcast. The one statement she made that really stuck with me is that she had a new vision of what success meant to her. I don't know if she would describe the experience as life changing, but in my interactions with her she certainly seemed to be in a very different place.

I can relate to this experience and in a lot of ways, I think most of you can as well. With the demands placed on us in all aspects of our lives, this applies as much to our personal responsibilities as our professional ones, I think we all feel some inherent pressure to keep turning the dial up. In fact, some of us may believe that the dial only goes in one direction. So when we hit a breaking point, there is this desire or idea that if I just turn it back just enough, I should be able to get by. I think that is a myth for most people. Sure there are some out there that thrive only when they are going 1,000 mph at anything they are doing. But I believe that even those individuals will reach a point where they can't keep up the pace.

There are hundreds of levels of dialing it back. Everything from just needing a moment to compose yourself to needing to step away completely from whatever is causing the tension and pressure. At some point in our life, we may need to use every single one of the settings on that dial. I'll talk ways to do that a bit later in the episode.

The general idea here is that if we want to achieve our goals, get the most out of life and reach our fullest potential, we can't expect to continually turn up the dial and get there. Most likely we will burn out.

I mentioned earlier about the need to be deliberate with what we do with our free time. Well, this is another thing we need to be deliberate. We need to control the dial and not let someone else or the circumstances in our lives do so.

Now, you might be saying to yourself that it's impossible to control all of those things so we can set the dial perfectly. I would agree with you. But taking our hand off the dial and letting it just spin means it will only go up. If we want to dial it back, it's going to take deliberate effort.

Why We Need to Dial It Back, What Benefits Will We Find

Is it worth the effort to control the dial as much as you can? And can we really influence it? The answer to both of those questions is yes. So why is it work it and what benefits will we find?

I've already talked a bit about one of the biggest benefits of dialing it back and that's the recharging of our batteries. Think of a weight lifting or similar fitness routine. If you are working with a trainer, are they going to have you do the same exercises every single day (put aside walking)? They aren't. You are going to rotate between exercises. Why? Well first, you want to have well rounded fitness so you need to work out all the muscle groups and mix in core and cardio exercises. But the other reason for that is so that you give your body time to recharge. Constantly breaking down the same muscle will actually not yield the results you want. You have to push it and then rest it. Rinse and repeat.

Our non-physical lives are like that as well. If we don't give our minds the same opportunity to rest and recharge, we are eventually going to start going backwards. How many times have you looked at some 10,000 times and not been able to figure out what was wrong? Then you walk away and come back (after a recharge) and find the issue right off the bat. Or have the answer come to you when you were focused on something else completely.

I remember one time when our company network was having some major issues. All hands on deck to try and figure out what the issue was. People were sleeping at the data center to try and figure out the problem. You know who found it? The person they brought in after a couple of days for a fresh perspective. Those most qualified to find the issues were completely burned out and just couldn't find it.

So refreshing our mental capacities is one benefit of recharging our batteries. That's kind of an indirect benefit. The direct benefit has to do with our energy levels. I talked in a previous episode about how draining professional conferences are to me. Just needing to engage with that many individuals consistently over the course of a conference leaves me with very little energy. Traveling for business does the same thing. I may be working with the same people but there is something about being in person and then of course when you travel you try and squish as much in as possible so that also drains more energy. I mentioned that extremely long international trip earlier in the episode. By the time I got home from that trip, I literally had nothing left. We got home on a Thursday and were told we didn't need to be in the office on Friday. I showered and we went to a restaurant (I needed some comfort food). But by 5pm, I was out and didn't wake up until Friday afternoon. I essentially slept most of the weekend. You would think that would have reset everything but it didn't. it took almost a full month before I felt like I could get up in the morning and have normal energy throughout the whole day. Some of that was because I didn't understand like I do today, ways that I could recharge my batteries. I could have been doing some of the things I'll mention later in the episode. Instead, I tried to get back into my normal routine, which was very intense, as quickly as possible as that's what I felt was expected. I would definitely do things differently if I could do it over.

In subsequent follow up trips, I managed them very differently. First they weren't nearly as long and second, I deliberately did things during the trip to recharge. That made a big difference.

One final reason we want to dial it back is that it provides us an opportunity to gain a new perspective. I'm not just talking about thinking more clearly like solving the network problem. It's more like my previous boss coming back with a new definition of success after having dialed it way back for a while. I think I've mentioned this, but both times I have been laid off, I have realized how far out of whack I was before that happened. It is unfortunate that it took that to help me gain that perspective. If I had been better about knowing when and how to dial things back, I might have realized how off track I was and I could have been deliberate about dealing with it. It's just so hard to see what is really going on when you are in the thick of things. I was watching a football movie earlier this week and in one scene they pointed out that the coaches in the box had a better view of the whole field vs. the players executing the play. That's the kind of perspective change you may need and dialing things back is one way to do that.

Ways We Can Dial It Back

So we have talked about what may be reasons for us to dial things back and why it's tough to do so. We have also talked about what it means to dial it back and then why we should along with some of the benefits we realize by doing so. None of those lists are comprehensive so I hope that they have at least been something you can relate to in your life.

Let's wrap up the episode talking about some of the ways you can dial it back. I'll try and cover various degrees of dialing it back (small adjustments to more dramatic ones).

My first caution is to not dial back in one area and dial it up in others. You can do that. In fact we do it all the time. But what I mean is that if you really need to dial things back, it may not do any good to dial your professional dial back only to turn your personal dial up just as much (or even more).

If you have identified the need to dial it back do it.

Another way to do this is to look for moderation. My quote earlier was about how moderation helps us avoid the problems that come from excess. Think about eating. I'll admit this is something I love to do. My favorite restaurant is a Brazilian Chuhascarria called Rodizio. All you can eat salads (don't fill up on the salad), sides and then roasted meats. It's not a cheap restaurant so we don't go very often. Luckily my wife really enjoys the salad variety (see my earlier note) so I can convince her to go there occasionally for special events.

The problem is that I almost always over eat an end up suffering for a couple of days afterwards. I keep going back so it must we worth it in some way. But the last couple of times we have gone, we went during the lunch hour. You only miss out on a few dishes but it is quite a bit cheaper. I've found that when I do that, I don't feel as much pressure to get my money's worth, which almost always means excessive eating and suffering afterwards.

So how do we apply this beyond overeating? Think about moderation or some sense of balance in our lives. If we work too much, we can burn out. If we rest too much, then we get into habits of idleness which are extremely hard to break. If we focus too much on work then we can neglect our personal lives. And if we focus too much on everything, then generally we end up sacrificing our own self care. But if we work as much as we need to (put aside working so much that we get rich) to properly support our families financially then we may find more time to enjoy the fruits of our labors with our families. If we find a way to spend the right amount of time with our families, including individual time with each of the kids, then we may find more time to serve at church. But if we don't moderate our focus and effort in each of the areas, and be deliberate about it, we will find some areas will get excess attention and others not enough.

Now all of these areas won't always be equal or stay perfectly moderated. Sometimes we have so much going on with our families that we can only give the bare minimum at work. Other times work is so intense, and for good reason, that we have to set aside some of the external priorities. But look for moderation.

Another way to look at this is in terms of good, better, best. Many years ago a church leader gave a talk about choosing between things that are good, things that are better and things that are best. He used the analogy of the old school catalogs where shoes had three prices. The good ones were the cheapest and the best quality ones the most expensive. Most of the decisions we make in relation to our time are about choosing between good, better and best ways to use our time. If I find myself with a free hour I could spend it reading a book, going for a walk or spending time with my family. Which of those is good, better or best would depend on a lot of factors. I may need the walk for my physical health and because I have not had any introvert time all day. Or if my grandkids have been asking all day for me to play horsey with them, that might be the best use of my time. This is another area where we should make a deliberate decision about what is best and not always assume that what is best for you personally is not the best things. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish so that it allows you to lift others. Again, moderation.

So what do you do when you have several good things to choose between? You have to learn to say no to more things. I've read that one of Steve Job's core philosophies was that the things you say no to will have a bigger impact than the things you say yes to. I interpret that to mean that if you don't say no often enough, you won't be able to focus on the best things (to tie these two principles together). Learn to say no. And work on shifting your mindset so that when you need to say no to something for someone else to take care of yourself, you don't make the situation worse by feeling guilty.

Another thing that I believe is key for all of us is to find a place of peace and refuge. I have several of these in my life. Going to the Temple weekly with my wife is one of those places. I had a manager that for him it was weekly prayer. I also find peace and refuge camping and riding my bike, especially when I can combine. I'm trying to post more pictures from some of those epic trips and rides on social media so follow me on instagram to see more.

Up until a few years ago, all of our camping was done in tents. That's how it works with the scouts. One year I spent 27 nights sleeping in a tent. Some of those experiences were better than others. When we moved back to Utah, I knew that camping was a refuge for me but that I couldn't tent camp that often due to the difference in weather. So we considered buying a camp trailer. We had one when I was a kid but that was a long time ago and I really didn't know much about them. I also struggled because this was a significant investment. I was talking to my sister about this and she told me to think about it as a really expensive prescription. I thought that was pretty good. Since I knew that camping was a way for me to recharge and was a benefit to my life as a whole (not to mention something we enjoyed doing as a couple and a family) that it would be of benefit. So we took the leap. That was a few years ago and we are on our second trailer and last year we spent about 70 nights sleeping in the trailer. It's interesting that I find myself getting more work done when I work from a campground vs. most days here in my home office.

In the last couple of weeks, we have also booked a few camping trips for this year. With so much going on I have been hesitant to book them (It's so easy to revert back to saying that you can't afford to dial it back). My wife finally pushed me and told me to just book them. I needed that push. So if someone that is close to you is pushing you to dial it back, listen to them.

Another way that you can dial things back is to take a look at your level of mental investment in something. This might be easiest with an example. I'm super competitive. For those of you that know me that immediately reacted with duh, no kidding or just started rolling your eyes, remember I'm a work in progress. I tend to translate that into things that I'm not directly involved in. For example my kids sports. I'm not the kind of parent that is so intense and pushing them to become professional athletes. But what I have found is that I get way to invested in things going well for them. I have only gotten a high heart rate warning twice on my Apple Watch. The first was at the last game of an undefeated season for my son's soccer team. It was intense and they did end up losing. So that kind of made sense. I had to talk myself down off the ledge when it went off as there have been so many stories about folks finidng heart issues when their watch gives them notifications. But I happened to remember another podcast saying that everytime he watched his favorite pro football team play he got notifications.

The hard part with this is that it has already happened this year. And it was in a game that we won 5-1 so there was no reason to be so intense. But that game reminded what I have had to do each year for sports and what I had to do when my oldest son was competing for solos and other recognition in his orchestra. I had to deliberately work on how intense and how much I invested in those kinds of things. I had to dial in back in all of these cases. Now I didn't dial it back to the point where I didn't care if they did well or not. But I did have to dial it back.

Just a few more ways that I personally work on dialing it back. This will be more relatable to the introverts out there. For those that are die hard extroverts just find something that is the opposite :) Actually, I'd love for the extroverts listening to write in and let me know some of the things you do to dial it back. I can then share those on a future episode.

Here are my suggestions:

Books, moves, tv shows.

Take a nap with the little ones on occasion

Get some exercise. For me this is solo exercise away from other people. The thought of a gym or even worse a class, just makes me tired. For you extroverts, this is one where you can definitely do the opposite.

Prioritize your chores appropriately.

Don't use these things as an excuse to do nothing. I know that may sound like a contradiction but we are likely to feel worse after doing nothing at all vs. doing too much.

If you know you are reaching a point where you really need to dial back, plan for it. Think about taking a vacation. If you know that vacation to the campground you have always wanted to visit is just what you need and not a moment too soon, make it happen. I'm not just talking about saving for it or planning it. I'm also talking about putting in the time and effort beforehand so that you can dial it back. Sometimes that means putting in some extra time training someone to cover for you. Or making sure that you empty your to do list of everything so you don't have that weight on your shoulders. For me, that also meant signing off and removing email from my phone. I found it was just too easy waiting in line to open my email to get ride of the badge and then getting sucked into things that could have waited.

Lastly, as a leader, you need to give yourself permission to dial it back, but you also need to give others permission to do so. You can do this by setting a good example. My boss that took a leave of absences was a great example of this. Also, think about the impact of something as simple as answering email after hours. If you do that consistently, what will those you lead think is expected of you.

Beyond being an example, you should also consider helping others figure out when and how to dial it back. You are going to lead a lot of individuals that feel like they should go at full speed, all the time and no matter what they are doing. I know I thought that early in my career and with my family. I still struggle to not go all out all the time. So give them actual permission to dial it back when you know they need it. "You seem exhausted and we have made a lot of progress. Why don't you take the rest of the day off." Sometimes individuals are just looking for their leader to acknowledge and make it ok.

One last story here. When I was on one of my international trips, we had just rolled out a major project. I was overseas with the team executing. This was the culmination of months of work. I was talking to my boss who was back in the states and I think he could hear the exhaustion. He suggested I take some time and take the team out on an activity or something like that. That would have been fine, but remember I'm an introvert so if I'm already tired, is that what I want to do? He had built up enough trust with me that I felt comfortable proposing an alternative. Let me treat the broader team to a great meal and then let me come home early. He didn't hesitate and that's what we did. I just needed him to tell me it was ok to be tired and do something about it.

Wrap Up 39:11

I hope that you have found something that you can take away from this episode. Maybe you have been wondering why you didn't seem to have enough energy and weren't sure why. Or maybe you were looking for ways to help your team avoid burnout. Burnout is real and I think it's becoming a bigger and bigger issues, especially in parts of the world where we struggle to use our allotted time off. I know that's the case in the US and with the uncertain economy, the natural inclination of most is going to be to take even more time off. Other places in the world take weeks at a time off. When was the last time you really disconnected even for a day or two, let alone for a week or more? Maybe that's not your style and that’s fine. But we all need to learn when we have reached a point where a little bit of dialing it back will be beneficial.

So give yourself permission to dial it back. Give those you lead permission to dial it back when they need it. Be deliberate in managing your energy. Find those small things you can do that dial it back enough that when you have to turn the dial the other way you are ready. Not all of my bike rides are epic. Sometimes it's only 30 minutes around town and then I can get back to other things. But some times I need to take a few days in the camp trailer and not worry about the internet connection.

Find what works for you. Help others find what works for them. I think you will see some extraordinary things happen if when you do this well.

Post Roll

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Thank you again for tuning in. Now go out there and keep lifting.

Show Notes

Summary

So many of us tend to go at full throttle all of the time. It doesn't seem to matter if it's in our personal or professional lives. In fact, if you do it in one area, odds are you will do it in all areas. If that's the case, your weekends, which many use to take a break from work, are just as busy and stressful as the weekdays, maybe even more so. This week I had a good friend ask me if I had any plans to relax or tune out this week. I don't but I should. I want to spend today talking about dialing it back on occasion and taking care of ourselves when needed.

Approximate Time Stamps

Story Time 01:55
Little Lift 06:05
The Connection with Knowing Yourself 07:01
Why It's Hard to Dial It Back 13:09
Dialing it Back Discussion 20:27
Wrap Up 39:11

Key Takeaways

Learn from the past
Like we doing with physical signs of fatigue, we can also identify mental and emotional signs
We really can't go full throttle in everything all the time
Dialing it back continues to be harder and harder to do
The intensity dial goes in both directions