LL Episode 19:Shred the Complaints & Doing Nothing
Welcome
Welcome to Leaders Lift, the podcast for everyone that has a leadership role in their lives (that's you and everyone else). I'm your host Greg Cunningham. Thank you for joining me today.
Intro
I'm headed for, currently on or just finished a vacation (remember time is relative in this podcast. Relative to when it was written, recorded or listened to. As the time got closer, I started realizing just how much I needed some real time off. I've done several of the things I mentioned in my last episode on self care so that has helped but I really need something more substantial. The challenge for me, and I've talked about this in several episodes, is that I don't do well with downtime. Those struggles have been top of mind the last few days so I thought I'd dive into them just a little bit deeper.
So today, let's talk about doing nothing. I don't mean just sitting around twiddling our thumbs or napping all day (although sometimes a good nap is exactly what the doctor ordered). But I'm talking about when it makes sense to pause and take a step back. And I'll also try and share some ideas on how to do that if you are like me and either struggle to take that step back or you step back too far.
Pre-Roll
First I'd like to say thanks to those that are sharing the podcast with others in their circles. It does make a difference and hopefully we are getting the word out to those that can truly benefit from the topics we cover (that's really just about everyone). So thank you!
Story Time
This weeks story for story time was a little bit hard for me to come by. I think one reason is that I'm not very good at doing nothing so I either don't have or maybe don’t remember any good stories around when I did nothing. But let me share one that I think will get the point across.
I've mentioned that I lived in Brasil for two years. That was when I served a church mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. For those that don't understand what this entails, let me explain how this is different from most other Christian missions you may hear about. I'll share the pieces that are relevant for the story and if you are curious about other details, let me know.
First, while I got to choose to go on a mission, I didn't get to choose where or exactly when. You submit a packet of information and then the church leaders determine where to send you. I was obviously assigned to go to Brasil. At the time I was 19 (a lot of young men actually go at age 18 right now), had never been out of the country, didn't speak a foreign language and we had a lot going on with my family.
Another thing that is different is that this was not a humanitarian mission (there are lots of those). I was being sent to teach anyone that would listen. To do that, I needed training and I spent 8 weeks in what was called the Missionary Training Center (or MTC). After that, we were put straight on flights that ended up in Recife. It's the city that is right on the point where Brasil sticks out into the ocean on the East.
Just one more piece of background. When you are learning a language in the MTC, you get pretty comfortable. Your teachers are generally either natives of your assigned country or had served missions there. In that very controlled and pretty much unchanging you can learn quickly, or at least you think you learned quickly.
Side story: when we got off the airplane in Brasil, I had the "opportunity" of being the first one to hit customs. The customs lady was asking (in Portuguese) if we had any electronics. The Portuguese word for electronics is electronica. So you would think I would have understand having been so comfortable speaking Portuguese in the MTC. Not a chance. She had to repeat herself several times before she said very slowly. ELECTRONICA. Then I understood and was able to move on.
Outside customs our mission leader picked us up and we took care of some administrative stuff and then found out which city in the mission boundaries we would start our service in. Then they took me to the bus station and sent me off to a city of about 200k called Caruaru.
Based on my customs experience and trying to talk to others in the mission office, I realized that the training I had in the MTC for Portuguese was not going to help. It wasn't that I didn't have the basics of the language, but what they could not replicate there was the speed and the accent. I found that I really couldn't tell where one word stopped and the next began. So on the whole bus ride I was basically in panic mode thinking how in the world I would handle anything that came up.
I was told that when I got to Caruaru that the other missionaries already in the city would be there to pick me up. That was another big NOPE. I found myself staring around the bus terminal (which was way outside the city) and feeling very much out of place. I was the tallest and probably most filled out person in the building (I was 6.2 and about 195lbs) and I was the only white person there. And to top it off, I couldn't understand anyone and they couldn’t understand me.
My mind was absolutely racing. How was I going to find 2 missionaries in a city of 200k? What should my next step be? I didn't have any money for the pay phone (this was in 1994 so give me a break) and so basically I was stuck. I prayed very hard. And then I just sat there with my two suitcases wondering what was next. There really wasn't anything else that I could do. So I did nothing.
A long while later (probably much shorter than it seemed to me), the other two missionaries showed up and I was beyond relieved. But what they told me made me even more grateful. They had no idea when I was going to be coming. They happened to call into the mission office that night and one of the leaders asked if they had picked me up. That resulted in them heading out to the bus station.
I felt very blessed.
Like I said, this may not be the perfect example but I really wonder what would have happened if I had tried to go out looking for them or had wandered off. It really was best for me to do nothing and just stay put.
Well, let's move on.
Little Lift Recommendation
Wasatch Mtn. State Park, UT
Defining Nothing
I don't want to go too far down a rabbit hole here and I know there are folks out there with the opinion that you really can't do nothing. So can we agree to not go there. What I would like to use for our basis of doing nothing is either taking a step back or not taking action. It also means not giving in to that immediate urge to dive in and solve a problem. And finally it's trying to let our brains have some time to just think. Those are the definitions that I would like to use for our discussion today.
Setting the Stage
Let me just talk about this upcoming/past vacation and how that got me thinking about this topic. We have had this trip planned for a few months now. We've known that we won't have the grandkids and I've tried to plan all of my business stuff around the trip. I've changed my recording schedule for Gadgets for Families (I couldn't get Apple to change WWDC to another week so we still need to record) and I even gave a heads up that I would not be recording this podcast that week. My clients projects will all be at a point where there is nothing on me for the week. The trailer is ready. We got in a test trip with it. I even took care of some stuff around the house that I had planned on holding off on until I got back. So I should be able to go and just relax and enjoy right? He don't know me very well do he (if you get that reference, let me know).
The goal for this trip is time away from work (sort of), home and the grandkids. Lot's of bike rides. We are going to my favorite place to bike ride. I do have some bike maintenance to do and maybe a thing or two for the camp trailer but nothing major. I also have a few other introvert type things on the list.
Early I said sort of for work so let me explain what I mean by that. I am hoping that since I have tried to clear out all my time sensitive and important to do's prior to this trip that I'll be able to do some strategic thinking. Not just about work, but about our family as well. For work, I'm hoping to have time to just brainstorm and strategize about how to grow the business and what my next steps should be. For the family, we are hoping to have time to talk about relocating, timing on selling or renting the house and a bunch of other things.
Some of you may be wondering how this ties into doing nothing. Well, the problem that I have with these kinds of more strategic things is that the doing of things gets in the way of time to think. And when I have things to do, I'm more likely to focus on things I can actively work on or complete instead of things like thinking and strategizing. That's the tie in and the first thing I wanted to share with y'all.
The lesson is that we all need to have time when we are thinking instead of doing and sometimes we need to get creative in finding ways to do that. I think that's why so many companies do executive retreats. When I was traveling for business, I would use the time in an airplane or in a hotel for some of this. As a business owner, this has become more difficult as there is always something that needs to be done. Administrative tasks, customer service, client needs, podcasting, research, writing, etc.
As the day for us to go on vacation has gotten closer, I have started having second thoughts about taking time. My brain keeps reminding me of the work I could be doing, the podcasts and video I could produce, the stuff around the house I could be doing, etc. It all just keeps running through my mind.
So is going on this trip and doing nothing the right thing? Or are all these other things I'm considering more important? The answer is that the trip is absolutely the right thing.
How do I know that? Well, first I know myself well enough (many episodes about this) to know that I need some deeper self care and well replenishment (episode 18) and I need it soon. I'm in a good spot right now, but I know that my personal well is losing water (energy) faster than it is being replenished and that I need to do something about that soon. This trip, even with some of the goals I mentioned earlier should help replenish that well.
Second, from a business standpoint, there are some key decisions I want to make in the next month or less. In order to make those decisions, I need to have time to just think without a whole bunch of to do's. Now, you might ask if I couldn't do that at home. Maybe, sort of kinda would be my answer. Even if I got all the to do's off my list, I'd still be at home and something else would come up. Besides, won't sitting in my hammock looking out over a beautiful mountain valley be more conducive to opening up my brain? It should. It will definitely be more relaxing and I'm hoping that once I relax, my brain will flow more freely.
Third, and maybe the biggest reason the answer is yes is the timing. The grandkids will be with their Dad for 10 days, my son who just graduated is working full time and so that means there is nothing really holding us back at the house. We can go and not worry about childcare or someone being left home and running wild for the week. That in and of itself will help my brain focus on doing nothing (because I won't have all the normal worries running through my head).
Ok. I said that was setting the stage for why this topic came up. But let me reiterate the lesson here. Sometimes we need to do nothing in order to do our best thinking. In addition, sometimes we need to set up the environment so that we can do our best thinking. That may be different for each one of you but for me, I think that's what I have set up for next week.
Strategy vs. Execution
So tied into this is strategy vs. execution. Execution is obviously doing something. In this context, strategizing or defining strategy is a version of doing nothing, or not acting. This is another time when doing nothing is the right thing. Just diving in and executing without some strategy or at least an idea of what the destination or end goal might be is the opposite of being deliberate, which I believe I have mentioned a few times. The Cheshire Cat said if you don't know where you are going, it doesn't matter which road you take. Well, if you do know where you are going or at least know you want to get there, it does matter which road you take and how you travel it. And that almost always starts with a little bit of doing nothing. You don't have to take months, weeks or even days to think about it but you do need to think about it.
Another reason for delaying on execution, and maybe even strategizing is timing. Sometimes the timing just isn't right to figure out a strategy. Thinking about and planning to buy a new home right after getting laid off might be a good example of the timing just not being right. And related to searching for a job, sometimes taking a step back and doing nothing will actually make your job search more fulfilling or productive. The first time I was laid off was in December. Just the thought of diving full into a job search in December made me nauseous. And most likely it would not have born any fruit, which would have frustrated me, which would have made a potentially difficult holiday season even more difficult, which would have impacted my attitude about job hunting when the time was right, and on and on and on. What I needed to do then was nothing - nothing but reset, think about what I wanted to do next and get ready to execute when the time was right (after the holidays).
In the professional world, there are tons of examples of timing. Investing in a product or service or another company can be greatly impacted by timing. When you launch a product as well. For example, if you are hoping to have the hit toy of the holiday season, you probably want it launched and on shelves prior to black Friday.
In our personal lives, timing on when to act and when to do nothing is super important as well. Thinking about selling or buying a home, relocating (timing of kids in school) or even things like going back to school, taking on a new hobby. There are times when these goals just need to wait until, well, the right time. Those are the times when we need to not try and force a square peg into a round hole by acting.
Lacking Information
Another time when it may be right to not act is when we really don't have enough information to start moving. To be clear, this is not the same thing as analysis paralysis which is wanting all the information before taking action. What I'm talking about there is the idea that there may be key pieces of information you need to wait on before taking action. You wouldn’t pay a mechanic the money to fix your car before you knew what was wrong and how much it would cost would you?
When You Are Emotional
Another time when doing nothing (besides stepping away) may be the best course is when you are emotional. When our emotions are in overdrive, it can be very hard to make good decisions and act the way we would want to. Our default behaviors, some of which can lead directly into pitfalls, kick in and it's much harder to mitigate them and avoid those pitfalls.
Quite often in these situations it's a good idea to step away or take some time to calm down and just breath. I run into this when a house, trailer or bike project are not going the way I would like them too (that's quite often). When I get frustrated, I have to walk away as I generally only make things worse.
Let me share a personal example that I'm not terribly proud of. When I was running a service desk, we had a very high customer satisfaction goal. That was fine. We generally did a really good job and could meet those goals. The challenge I had with all of this was that my boss felt that the best way to get to that goal was to address every single complaint that came in. He wanted them all treated as if that one complaint would push us below the target. The complaints all had equal weight regardless of the type, context or severity. I agreed with meeting our target but I did not agree that we should treat them all equally. Some of the complaints I preferred to just acknowledge and move on versus doing root cause analysis and action plans. We had a lot of back and forths on this.
One day he brough me a stack of complaints. Literally he had printed about 1/4 - 1/2 of an inch of complaints. I don't remember how the exchange went but I got pretty upset. Instead of just taking them and asking if we could discuss later, I grabbed them and walked back to my office (about 10 yards). Before I got through the door, I had taken the stack of complaints and torn them in half. Have you ever torn that much paper? It's loud. And remember he was still where I had walked away from him. Oh - and did I mention that my office was where everyone on the team could see and hear? Yeah. Not a shing moment for me. I did end up apologizing but that did some damage to our relationship and was not beneficial to the team.
This is definitely one example where I should have just walked away and then came back when I wasn't so emotionally on edge. Not something I would suggest you try.
Can I move on now?
Leading Others
Let's talk now about how doing nothing or not acting could apply in how we lead and support others. Besides not acting, in this context, doing nothing could also mean not doing very much. I know I'm probably splitting hairs there but let me explain. If you are leading a team and working on a development plan with someone or if you are trying to help your kids move through those tough teenage years, there will be times when they either come to you for help or you see them struggling. When that happens, how do we and how should we react?
I've talked about this in the past but there are some leaders whose natural tendencies are to jump in and start solving the problem. This is definitely one of my natural tendencies and is one I have had to work on extensively because it's quite possible that starting to act is not the right thing to do. So how do we know when to step in and how much?
First, think about whether the situation or problem is something they should be able to take care of themselves. If the answer to that is yes, then as a general rule, not acting is best.
Second, think about how critical the problem is. If it's super serious and the answer to can they handle it is something other than absolutely, there MAY be something that you need to step in and do. But if it's not critical, should you really dive in?
Third, if you do decide that you need to do something, consider doing as little as possible. Does that sound off? Well, think about it this way. If it is their problem (and we will try and talk through some examples in a bit) they really should be the one to solve it. Your role as the leader should be to support them in doing so, not doing it for them. This especially true if it's part of a stretch or growth opportunity for them.
The same thing would go for our kids. If they fail a test at school because they weren't prepared, don't step in. Let them figure out how to get back on track. If they have a fight with a good friend, probably best not to step in.
Let's talk through a professional situation
You have assigned a more junior member of your team to lead the efforts to refresh a team recognition program. This is a good opportunity for them to learn influence management skills and it's not something that is going to cause issues if it doesn't go smoothly (you already have a recognition program in place but it just needs a refresh).
A couple of weeks later you ask another member of the team that is collaborating with the leader how it's going and they indicate that nothing has been done yet. That's odd to you because when you talk to the leader, they indicated that there were several ideas and more detail would be coming shortly.
This is a pretty simple example so it's most likely that the junior leader was just running with this on their own rather than taking advantage of the others on the team. So what do you do here? You could go back and talk to the leader and get them to engage the others. Or you could let it play out and see if they do eventually involve others or how it progresses. The worst that could happen in this case if you do nothing would be that they do all the work themselves and then the team pushes back and it has to get done again. Is that a bad thing? Probably not. And they would learn some valuable lessons in ways that they may not have learned if you had stepped in. Does that make sense?
Doing Nothing and Self Care
So far we have talked about taking time to think instead of act, strategizing vs. executing, lacking information, being emotional and how not taking action can benefit those we lead. Let's wrap up by talk about how how doing nothing (or not acting can benefit you).
First, dialing it back. There are times when you just need to sit back and do nothing, even if just for a few minutes. Now, doing nothing in this scenario could mean doing some deep breathing exercises, meditation, taking a walk, grabbing a drink of water or anything that just allows you to step away from the keyboard, tools, problem, person, etc. and get your bearings again. You need to get good at recognizing when you absolutely need to do this even if it's not convenient. A lot of us (and I assume it got worse with remote work) eat lunch at our desks. When I went into an office, I even had a mini fridge in my office so in theory I didn't even have to walk to the break room. That's not good. We need breaks. There is a reason breaks and lunch periods are mandated by law. Even if they weren't it's a good practice.
Second, deep replenishment. Like I am trying my best to do this week, there also comes a time when you need more than a few minutes, a day or a weekend to do nothing. You need to know when your personal well is running dry and how best to replenish it. For some, it would be a vacation with friends and family. For others, it may be a solo trip, extended time in the outdoors or even curled up on the couch binge watching/reading/gaming. Whatever it is that works for you, let that bleed into your definition of doing nothing.
The last piece is giving yourself permission to do nothing when you need to. This ranges from taking a break to taking a vacation. It means not jumping in to bail someone out when they are capable of course correcting on their own. Sometimes you have to mentally give yourself permission to let them struggle. This goes for team members, direct reports, kids and other family members. That's not something that is easy to do, especially when it's someone you care about and you know how to help them. But you have to remind yourself that it will be better if they work through it. And finally, this is related to not helping someone, you need to get comfortable giving yourself permission to tell pretty much anyone no. Also not easy. Think about telling your boss that you can't take on an assignment or that you won't change your vacation. Or telling one of your kids no on something they really really care about. Or telling another adult in your life that you can't help them until they help themselves. I've been through all of these situations and I'm sure you have as well. If you haven't, you will. But saying no may be the best thing for you and for them. This is something I need to constantly be aware of. Otherwise I can get into a situation where I'm helping (think problem solving) so much that, while I maybe solving the immediate problem, I'm actually making things much more difficult in the long run.
Wrap Up
I'm actually finishing up the writing of this episode about a day and a half into my vacation. I can tell you that I have already been struggling with not doing anything or not having any to do's or actions to take. It has rained a ton today, which is fine but that meant I have also kind of been stuck inside and not been able to even get in a walk once an hour or so. Luckily I got a great bike ride in before the storms started. But I've really noticed how hard it is for me to just sit back and relax.
I've tried tricking my brain as I mentioned in previous episodes that dialing it back is the most important thing for me to be "doing" right now. But that hasn't been terribly effective. I should have taken a nice nap today during the storms but I couldn’t let myself just lay down and crash.
The reason that I mention this is to encourage those of you that are like me and always need to be doing something to keep working at this. To find ways that you can dial it back and relax.
I really need this week of downtime and if I keep feeling guilty or trying to find things to do, I'm not going to replenish my well and I'll get back to work next week and continue to struggle.
But it's not just dialing it back that is important. If you are a compulsive problem solver, one of these days you are going to jump right into solving a problem and get down the road and then realize you have actually made things worse - to the point that the problem is no longer reasonably solvable. Or you are going to dive in and deprive someone you are leading of the opportunity to learn and grow because you did it for them. All of these scenarios can be extremely impactful on our lives and the lives of those we lead.
So even if it's tough, please start recognizing those times when not acting (doing nothing) is the right thing to do. And then do your absolute best to hold yourself back. It may be extremely difficult and uncomfortable to start with, but like most good things, if you can master this skill, you will find yourself much further down the road to meeting your potential. Why? Because you will know when you need to replenish, you will have given others the opportunity to develop and grow and by not acting in some areas, that will free you up to act in others where it's most important that you take action. Steve Jobs has been quoted as saying that saying no to things is more impactful than what you say yes to. Why? Because when we say no, or do nothing, we really can focus on those areas where we need to act. All of this combined helps us move toward our fullest potential
Post Roll
Thanks again for sticking it out to the end of another episode. Don't forget to share out the show to someone that may need it. If you already follow me on any social media platform, like, share, retweet, etc. so that we can engage others in reaching their potential and helping those they lead do so as well.
Until next time, go out there and keep lifting.
Show Notes
Summary
It's a busy busy world we live in. Many of us are driven to always be doing something. But sometimes that is the exact opposite of what is best. Many times, doing a version of nothing may be the absolute best thing you can do. Join me for this weeks episode and let's define doing nothing, figure out what happens when you tear a bunch of complaints in half and then talk about the when's of doing nothing.
Approximate Time Stamps
Welcome 00:00
Intro 01:18
Story Time 02:51
Little Lift Recommendation 08:01
Defining Doing Nothing 09:17
Various Scenarios 15:17
How Doing Nothing Helps Those We Lead 21:22
Doing Nothing and Self Care 24:44
Wrap Up 27:47
Key Takeaways
There are times when doing nothing is the absolute right thing to do
Doing nothing could mean taking a break, dialing it back, thinking, not executing, not jumping in and taking time to take care of ourselves.
Times when we should do nothing include when we need to think, when the timing is not right for action, when we don't have enough information, when we are emotionally charged, when others could benefit by you letting them work through it and when self care is a priority
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